THis maY bE too Much Info….

I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’m “stuck between two men.” My ex came by one day at the end of Summer vacation. To make a long story short he wanted to work on rebuilding our relationship.

Backgrounder 1: Went to high school together. Flirted basically the entire year of senior year. Second semester of our freshman year (separate schools) we started to “talk.” By July we were officially together. He was busy. I was busy. He had whatever he had going on and so did I. Both involved with collegiate things, ya know. I made a consistent effort to talk and Skype, he did not. I broke up with him around March/February. 

Backgrounder 2: Fast forward a year later. I met the other guy through a mutual acquaintance. That mutual acquaintance did not want us to be involved in any way what so ever. Going against the grain, we did what we wanted. Apparently he thought I was tryna pressure him into a relationship. He stopped talking to me around December/January. In the blink of an eye, he was back with his girlfriend. He broke up with her months after that. We started to text and talk again. BAM! We had a big fallen out (not gonna get into that) did not speak to him for months to come. 

Soooo, during this past summer the GUY2 started to text me, or should I say we texted each other(early summer). Wasn’t anything deep, just discussed how things shouldn’t have went down the way it did. Very mature convo. Weeks later this is when GUY1 came by to discuss “us.” Few days after this GUY2 started to text me yet again. Nothing too deep.

As my last semester of school is in action right now…me and GUY2 are in the same location, GUY1 is in his last semester at his school as well. GUY2, lord I don’t know how long he has until graduation. We’ve been chilling and texting and what not, and I’m not sure if I want to be bothered.  We actually speak more than, GUY1 and I do. At first, GUY1 and I would constantly talk, text and Skype but that has ceased, due to thats how he moves lol. He can be so consistent for a while then off into the wind he goes. 

My issue right now is;

  • I’m usually unaware of my emotions and feelings for people
  • Not sure if I honestly miss people
  • Not sure if I want to be in a relationship
  • I TRUST FEW PEOPLE
  • I’m GRADUATING!!! In december, I’ll be gone like the wind
  • I will not do Long distance relationships ever again in life
  • I think after so long you can’t deal with the same people over and over again

I’m not sure If I sometimes entertain people just because it’s entertaining for me or if I’m deep down inside hoping that something serious will come from it. I high key just don’t want to deal with either one, until I’m completely sure of my feelings. And really understand why I’m always unsure of my feelings. 

Although GUY1 will always hold a special place in my life, I’m not sure if we were ever meant to be. I mean I honestly love him, I was never in love with him. And with GUY2 I think I lusted after him more than liked him. 

On top of that, I’m not ready to give myself to anybody…let alone either one of them. In my younger years (I sound like I’m 50 lol) I thought of waiting till marriage, but I’m not sure if I care completely for marriage. I’ve never had a positive, healthy example of a relationship. Something inside me is telling me to leave them alone, or is something inside me pushing either one of them away because I don’t want to be hurt? Both guys are way more experienced than me, it doesn’t make me feel in adequate (not by much) but I always question men’s motives with me. 

Now, GUY1 and I barely speak, at all and GUY2 is continuously texting me, which I don’t mind…seeing that I knew GUY1 would fall of eventually like always and GUY2 would want to be around more. 

Like I told my close friend, I’d rather start anew. MAYBE somethings and some people should just be left alone and in the PAST

Feelings ares just that, feelings, i need to start to act on my thoughts…

0 notes

phuckindope:

I HONESTLY FUCK WIT MYSELF HEAVY.

(Source: asvpfrenchie, via naturalmenminez)

2,932 notes
My darling, you are allowed to fail without being a failure. You are allowed to make mistakes without becoming one. More opportunities will present themselves, you will find hope again. (via stay-yourself-0)

(via naturalmenminez)

21,140 notes